I feel pretty strongly that there are two different things, both of which we people, or Americans at least, call love without any further distinction.

I wish I had better words, but unfortunately, using any other word besides love to distinguish one from the other tends to change the balance, or lead to debates over nuances. So, for the purposes of this page, I’m going to call one purple love and the other one green love.

Purple love is best described as the feelings you have towards another person. Those feelings might be of longing, or lust, or attraction, or of being smitten, or as the wise old owl in Bambi put it, twitterpated. When you have these feelings towards another person and they aren’t mutual, as far as you know, then we call that unrequited love. When you’re young, we call it puppy love. For the most part, the subject is passive. That is, you may say, “the heart wants what the heart wants,” as you feel you have little or no choice in these feelings. Many people describe the experience as feeling chemistry, butterflies in the stomach, or a spark, suggesting that the feelings are physical as well as emotional. Clinically, these are probably the signs of dopamine being released into your system, but we certainly don’t experience it as just a mere hormone rush. A psychologist might describe the feeling as cathexis – a collapse of the ego boundary to include another person.

The best definition of green love I have ever come across is by Dr. M. Scott Peck, who wrote The Road Less Traveled. Dr. Peck describes it as “the willingness to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one's own and another's spiritual growth.” It is an intention. This is a commitment. It is an act. Sometimes the feelings which are present are not the most pleasant. There might be frustration, anger, embarrassment, remorse, or profound sadness. It implies a willingness to forgive oneself as well as others. Green love transcends feelings, and is what makes families, lasting relationships, and better people. When we speak of the power of love to conquer all, this really is the love that is meant, not purple love, even though many romantics would have you believe otherwise.